If you’re feeling like your name is on speed dial with the kids while your partner gets a free pass, you’re not alone. Many mums find themselves in the “default parent” role, handling everything from lost socks to bedtime stories. But this doesn’t have to be the norm!
This week, we’ll explore why children so often turn to mum first, the societal and family patterns that reinforce it, and, most importantly, how you can start shifting those dynamics in a way that feels good for everyone in the family.
Ever wonder why you’re always the one being called for every little thing, while your partner somehow dodges the radar? In this post, we’re diving into the “default parent” dilemma that so many mums face. You’ll find insights into why it happens, the impact it has on you, and practical ways to start sharing the load without guilt or frustration. 🌿
Why Do Kids Always Come to Mum?
For many mums, the endless calls for “Muuum!” start to feel like a soundtrack to daily life. What to Expect sheds some light on this pattern, especially with toddlers. Kids often form a strong preference for one parent as part of their development, and more often than not, that parent is mum. You may be the go-to because you’re seen as the nurturer, the one who “fixes” things and offers comfort.
But there’s more at play. Research on family dynamics and emotional labour highlights how societal norms position mums as the default caregivers. Dr. Arlie Hochschild’s work on emotional labour shows that mothers often carry an invisible workload, handling both the practical and emotional needs of the family. This dynamic can easily turn into an expectation from both kids and partners that mum will always be “on call.”
The Mental Load of Being the Default Parent
The impact of always being the “default” is real, affecting everything from mental health to the sense of self. Studies by the American Psychological Association have shown that mothers in this role often experience higher levels of stress, fatigue, and even burnout. When mums take on the majority of the emotional labour, it can become hard to find any space or time for themselves.
How to Shift the Balance
The good news is, you can start to make changes that not only benefit you but also create a more balanced environment for the whole family.
Talk with Your Partner
Open up a conversation about how you’re feeling. Share the mental and emotional toll of being the default parent. Approach it as a team effort – the goal is to support each other and create a family dynamic where both parents can share the load.
Set Up Routines Where Dad Takes the Lead
Create routines or activities where your partner is the primary parent, like bedtime or weekend breakfast. This way, your kids get used to seeing both of you in a supportive role.
Communicate with the Kids
Letting the children know that both parents are here to help can be empowering. Gently guide them towards including dad in their requests, making it clear that “Mum’s here to help, but so is Dad.”
Release the Guilt
It can feel challenging to step back, especially when we’ve internalised the idea that we need to be available all the time. But taking care of yourself is essential, and it sets a powerful example for your children on boundaries and self-care.
Remember, You Deserve a Break
Balancing the scales at home won’t happen overnight, but small changes can have a big impact. Not only will you start to feel less overwhelmed, but you’ll also be modelling healthy relationship dynamics for your children, teaching them that both parents are there to support, nurture, and be present.
You Deserve a Break, Mama! With love, Claire
P.S. If you’re ready for more insights, encouragement, and a community of mums who truly get it, come join me on Instagram! @mamasvillage.co. Can’t wait to connect with you there. 🌸
Leaving the house with children—what a simple concept, right? You’ve done it a million times before, so how hard could it be? Well, if you’ve ever tried to leave the house with kids in tow, you know it’s less like a quick errand and more like an epic saga, complete with plot twists, unexpected villains, and a whole lot of drama.
💬 Leaving the house with children—what a simple concept, right? You’ve done it a million times before, so how hard could it be?
Well, if you’ve ever tried to leave the house with kids in tow, you know it’s less like a quick errand and more like an epic saga, complete with plot twists, unexpected villains (who knew shoes could disappear?), and a whole lot of drama. In today’s post, we’re diving into the chaos that every mother knows all too well—and I’m here to help you find the calm amidst it all.
So, how do we shift from overwhelm to empowered? Let’s unravel this together… đźŽđź‘¶đź‘ź
If you’ve ever felt like wrangling your children out the door is a feat that rivals a grand adventure, then you’re not alone! In this post, we’re breaking down why something as simple as leaving the house can feel like an Olympic sport, and I’ll be sharing practical tips to make it a smoother, stress-free experience. (Yes, it’s possible!)
We’ve all been there. The kids are bouncing off the walls, someone’s missing a shoe (or two), and just as you’re about to head out the door, your toddler decides this is the perfect time for a meltdown. In that moment, it’s easy to feel the weight of it all pressing down on you. The mental load is real. You’re already juggling a thousand things—doctor’s appointments, playdates, work, household chores—and now, something as simple as leaving the house feels like a mountain you just can’t climb.
You might find yourself thinking: Why is this so hard? Shouldn’t I have this figured out by now? The frustration bubbles up, and suddenly, you’re overwhelmed. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? That feeling of being pulled in every direction, trying to keep it all together, while simultaneously feeling like you’re coming apart at the seams.
This is what burnout feels like for so many of us. It’s not just the big moments that tip us over the edge—it’s these little, everyday battles that seem to pile up until it feels like too much. And when you’re running on empty, even the smallest challenge can feel monumental.
đź’ˇ So, how do you hold onto your sanity in the midst of the chaos?
Here are a few grounding techniques that can help you pause, breathe, and regain a sense of calm before you lose it:
1. The 3-Deep-Breaths Reset
Before you even begin to round up the kids, take three slow, deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, and then exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six. Repeat three times. It helps to reset your nervous system, calming that fight-or-flight response before it kicks into overdrive.
2. Create a “Leaving the House” Ritual
Rituals are grounding by nature. Maybe it’s taking a moment to put on your favourite essential oil blend, listening to a calming song, or just doing a quick stretch. This helps your body know that even though things might get chaotic, you’re stepping into it with intention and calm energy.
3. Visualisation: Calm Amidst the Storm
Visualise yourself leaving the house with ease. Picture your kids cooperating, everything flowing smoothly, and, most importantly, yourself feeling calm and composed. Even if reality doesn’t match that, the simple act of visualising a peaceful scenario helps to ground you in the present and keep things in perspective.
4. Mantra for the Moment
Come up with a mantra or affirmation you can repeat to yourself when you feel your patience slipping. Something like, “I am calm and in control,” or “This too shall pass.” Repeating this in your head can help anchor you back into a more peaceful state when the chaos peaks.
In fact, comedian Michael McIntyre hilariously summed up the ordeal in his stand-up routine, likening the process of leaving the house with kids to a full-scale military operation. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth a watch—trust me, you’ll be nodding in agreement the whole time. Watch it here.
You are not failing. You are a mother navigating one of the hardest jobs on the planet. Some days, getting out the door feels like an impossible task—and that’s okay. What matters most is giving yourself the space to breathe, ground, and find your centre amidst it all.
The Takeaway: We’re All in This Together
So, the next time you see a mom in the parking lot wrestling her kids into a shopping cart while trying to keep a smile on her face, give her a nod of solidarity. We’ve all been there, and we all know that just getting out the door is sometimes the biggest victory of the day.
And remember, one day, we’ll all look back on these chaotic mornings and laugh—or at least that’s what they tell us. Until then, let’s just appreciate the fact that we survived the epic journey once again.
So, fellow parents, let’s raise our coffee cups (or wine glasses) to the daily adventure that is leaving the house with children. May we laugh about it, cry about it, and most importantly, never forget the snacks.
If you’ve got your own hilarious “leaving the house” story, reply to this email and i’ll share it on my instagram! We could all use a good laugh and some solidarity in this parenting journey.
Here’s to finding calm in the chaos, Claire
Claire
P.S. If you’re craving more tips, relatable moments, and daily inspiration, come hang out with me over on Instagram! 🌟 It’s where I share the real, unfiltered side of motherhood and empowerment. Follow me @mamasvillage.co for more insights and support—we’re building a community of strong, amazing women, and I’d love for you to be part of it!
Feeling like you’re running on empty? If the weight of endless to-do lists, sleepless nights, and constant demands are leaving you drained, you’re not alone.
Motherhood burnout is real, and it can feel overwhelming—like you’ve lost touch with the woman you were before the chaos took over. But here’s the thing: it’s not something you have to just push through. You deserve to feel vibrant, empowered, and connected to your true self again.
In this week’s blog, we’ll explore the signs of burnout, the reasons so many mums find themselves on the edge, and—most importantly—how to reclaim your energy and find balance without the guilt.
It’s time to stop surviving and start thriving, mama.
Tired of feeling like you’re always running on fumes? In this week’s blog, we dive into the real causes of motherhood burnout and share practical tips for reclaiming your energy and joy. Discover how to break free from the overwhelm and start feeling like yourself again—without the guilt or impossible expectations.
✨ Introducing Mama Burnout Recovery: Your Personalised Roadmap to Joyful Motherhood ✨
But what if you could create a more balanced and joyful motherhood experience?
Mama Burnout Recovery is not just another program. It’s a transformational journey designed to help you reclaim your joy and create a life that truly lights you up.
Here’s what you’ll gain:
💫 Reclaimed Identity and Self-Fulfilment – Rediscover who you are outside of motherhood. Rekindle your passions and foster a sense of wholeness beyond being a mama.
💫 Empowered & Confident Mama – Silencing the inner critic and replacing self-doubt with self-compassion. You’ll trust in your abilities and make decisions with confidence.
💫 Joyful & Balanced Motherhood – Cultivate a calmer, more joyful experience of motherhood. Set boundaries, prioritise self-care, and build healthier relationships with yourself and your family.
This program is packed with tools to help you develop resilience, reframe negative thoughts, silence your inner critic, and more.
✨ Are you ready to ditch the struggle and embrace the joy of motherhood?
PS: If you’re ready to take the first step toward reclaiming your joy and breaking free from burnout, let’s chat! Book a free discovery call with me today, and let’s explore how Mama Burnout Recovery can support you on your journey. Click here to book.
PPS: Let’s stay connected! Follow me on Instagram for daily inspiration and tips on navigating motherhood with joy and balance. Follow me here 💛
In a world that glorifies constant productivity and hustle, rest often feels like a luxury we can’t afford. But what if I told you that rest is not only essential for your well-being but also scientifically proven to benefit your mind and body, especially during your inner winter?
Understanding Your Inner Winter
The menstrual cycle has four distinct phases: menstruation (inner winter), follicular (inner spring), ovulation (inner summer), and luteal (inner autumn). Each phase comes with its own energy levels, emotional states, and physical needs. Inner winter, the menstruation phase, is a time of low energy and introspection, making it the perfect time for rest and rejuvenation.
Yet, many of us push through this phase, ignoring our body’s signals and opting for productivity over rest. But here’s the truth: by suppressing rest during your inner winter, you’re not just draining your energy—you’re missing out on the scientifically-backed benefits of allowing your body and mind to truly relax.
The Power of Alpha Waves
Alpha brain waves are the unsung heroes of deep relaxation. These waves help us calm down, slow our thoughts, and promote a state of tranquility. You might have experienced these during activities like daydreaming, meditation, or mindfulness practices.
When you allow yourself to rest during your inner winter, your brain naturally shifts into producing more alpha waves. These waves are found prominently in daydreaming and states of deep relaxation. They’re not just pleasant—they’re necessary. Suppressing alpha waves can lead to anxiety, high stress, and even insomnia. On the flip side, when your alpha waves are optimal, they create a relaxed state that your body and mind desperately need during this phase.
The Benefits of Embracing Rest
Reduces Symptoms of Depression: Research suggests that the increase in alpha waves during rest may play a significant role in reducing symptoms of depression. By giving yourself permission to rest, especially during your inner winter, you’re not just taking a break—you’re actively supporting your mental health.
Boosts Creativity: Resting doesn’t mean you’re doing nothing; it means you’re creating space for creativity to flourish. The same alpha waves that relax your mind also enhance your ability to think creatively. When you allow yourself to rest, you might find that new ideas and solutions to problems come more easily.
Replenishes Energy: Your inner winter is a natural time for your body to slow down. Pushing through this phase without adequate rest can leave you feeling drained and disconnected. Embracing rest allows your body to replenish its energy stores, setting you up for a more productive and energised inner spring.
Improves Focus: Resting during your inner winter can also improve your focus in the long run. When your brain is allowed to slow down and produce alpha waves, it prepares you to be more focused and present during the more active phases of your cycle.
How to Embrace Rest During Your Inner Winter
Prioritise Sleep: Make sure you’re getting enough sleep during your menstruation phase. Listen to your body’s signals and allow yourself to go to bed earlier or sleep in if needed.
Incorporate Mindfulness Practices: Engage in activities that promote alpha wave production, such as meditation, gentle yoga, or simply daydreaming. These practices can help you connect with your inner self and create a sense of calm.
Create a Restful Environment: Surround yourself with comforting and relaxing elements—soft lighting, cozy blankets, or calming scents. This environment can enhance your ability to relax and encourage your body to enter a state of rest.
Allow Yourself to Do Less: Give yourself permission to slow down and do less. This could mean taking a day off, postponing non-essential tasks, or simply spending more time in activities that recharge you.
Conclusion
Rest is not a weakness or a waste of time—it’s a scientifically supported way to enhance your well-being, especially during your inner winter. By embracing rest, you’re not only honoring your body’s natural rhythms but also tapping into the benefits of alpha waves that calm your mind, reduce stress, and boost creativity. So this inner winter, give yourself the gift of rest. Your body, mind, and future self will thank you.
If you’re tired of mindlessly scrolling through social media, feeling overwhelmed, or constantly running on empty, it’s time to take a closer look at what’s really going on. Disembodiment—when you become disconnected from your body, emotions, and true self—might be behind the burnout, and today, I’m here to show you how to reconnect and rediscover your sense of joy and purpose.
Reconnecting to Your Natural Rhythms
As a coach dedicated to empowering women, I help mamas like you tune back into their natural rhythms and embrace the power of their menstrual cycles. If you’re feeling disconnected from your body, overwhelmed by your roles as a mother or professional, or simply lost in the chaos of daily responsibilities, know this: you’re not alone. Many women face the same struggle, but there is a way to live authentically and with purpose, without the constant sense of being overwhelmed.
What Is Disembodiment?
Disembodiment refers to a disconnect from your physical, emotional, and spiritual self. It can manifest in small habits like scrolling through social media, forgetting to nourish yourself properly, or exercising past your limits because you’re stuck in “productivity mode.” The constant pressure to perform can numb you to your body’s signals, leaving you out of touch with your emotions and unable to make choices that truly serve your well-being.
Signs You Might Be Disconnected
If you’ve noticed any of the following, disembodiment might be affecting your life:
Mindlessly scrolling through your phone for hours
Ignoring hunger or thirst until you’re beyond exhaustion
Exercising to the point of injury, driven by the need to be “productive”
Feeling like you’re going through the motions without truly experiencing life
The first step to healing is recognising these signs. Awareness is the key to making the necessary changes.
Emotional Disconnection
Have you ever been asked, “How are you feeling?” and genuinely didn’t know the answer? Emotional disconnection happens when you’re so overwhelmed by daily life that you lose touch with how you feel. This happens when your mind and body stop communicating, leaving you feeling disconnected and confused.
How to Reconnect Emotionally:
Start with a daily check-in. Try a simple body scan by mentally scanning from your toes to your head, noticing any sensations or emotions along the way. Even if you can’t identify a specific emotion, acknowledging your body’s signals is a powerful step toward reconnection.
The Trap of Martyr Mode
Many women, especially mothers, fall into “martyr mode”—putting everyone else’s needs first and neglecting their own. This leads to feelings of resentment, burnout, and frustration. Worse still, you may operate from a place of shame-based thinking, believing you should be doing more or being more.
When you prioritise everyone else over yourself, it’s impossible to connect with your true desires and needs. Over time, this disconnect leaves you exhausted, drained, and unable to live authentically.
Break Free from Martyr Mode:
Start small. Choose one ritual that helps you reconnect with yourself—a few moments of meditation, a quiet cup of tea, or simply sitting in silence. These small acts of self-care are the foundation of rebuilding a connection with your body and emotions.
Why Disembodiment Matters
Living in a state of disconnection steals your joy, diminishes your energy, and keeps you from living the life you truly deserve. By learning to recognise the signs of disembodiment, tuning into your emotions, and prioritising your needs, you can start living a life that’s aligned with your values, energy, and purpose.
Ready to Reconnect?
If you’re ready to stop feeling overwhelmed and start living in alignment with your body and emotions, it’s time to take that first step. Email me at [email protected], and I’ll send you a special resource to help you begin your journey toward a more embodied, empowered life. Let’s reclaim your joy together.
Life as the default parent isn’t always easy, is it?
There are days when it feels like everything falls on your shoulders, and all your carefully laid plans go out the window. But amidst the chaos, there are moments of unexpected beauty—like the chance to slow down and enjoy the warmth of a little one’s cuddles when they’re home from school.
This week, my son was home sick, and as the default parent, all my plans had to shift. I found myself grateful that I no longer had my corporate job, giving me the freedom to be fully present. It made me reflect on how often we, as mothers, carry this invisible workload and how much beauty can be found when we pause and embrace these unplanned moments.
The Invisible Workload of Motherhood
If you’re reading this, chances are you know exactly what it feels like to be the default parent—the one who’s always on call, who rearranges their plans, and who carries the weight of all the little (and not-so-little) things that keep life moving smoothly.
According to an eye-opening article on Scary Mommy, this invisible workload isn’t just about doing tasks; it’s about the mental and emotional energy we invest in managing our homes, our children, and our lives. It’s the constant juggling, the anticipating of needs, and the never-ending to-do list that only you seem to see.
As mothers, we’re often expected to be everything to everyone, which can feel overwhelming. But what if, instead of seeing this as a burden, we allowed ourselves to find moments of gratitude amidst the chaos?
Finding Gratitude in the Unexpected
It’s easy to feel frustrated when things don’t go as planned, but there’s a certain magic in those unplanned moments.
When my son was home this week, I could have let the overwhelm take over. Instead, I chose to savour the extra cuddles, the chance to slow down, and the opportunity to be there for him in a way that my corporate life wouldn’t have allowed.
Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the hard parts. It means acknowledging them and still finding those pockets of joy. It’s in these moments that we realise the true gift of being the default parent—the gift of being present, even when life doesn’t go according to plan.
How to Embrace Your Role as the Default Parent
Acknowledge the Invisible Workload: Recognise that what you do is valuable, even if it goes unseen. Celebrate your efforts and give yourself credit for all the ways you show up.
Create Moments of Stillness: When the unexpected happens, take a breath. Allow yourself to be present in those moments, whether it’s enjoying a cuddle, a laugh, or just being there.
Practice Gratitude: Every day, find one thing to be grateful for. It could be as simple as a smile from your child or the way they reach out to you when they need comfort. These small moments add up and help shift your perspective.
Let Go of Perfection: Being the default parent isn’t about doing it all perfectly. It’s about doing your best with the time, energy, and resources you have. Give yourself permission to let some things go.
You’re Not Alone
Being the default parent is a journey, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every mother carries her own unique challenges, but together, we can lift each other up, share our experiences, and find strength in our shared stories.
You’re doing an incredible job, even on the days when it feels tough. And remember, sometimes the most beautiful moments come when we least expect them.
To all the default parents out there, you’ve got this. Warmly, Claire
P.S. If you’d love more inspiration and support on your motherhood journey, follow me on Instagram @mamasvillage.co.
And if you’re ready to take the next step towards reclaiming your joy, don’t miss my free training: 5 Signs “Winging It” is Making You Feel Stressed & Overwhelmed, Mama (& How To Fix It!). Learn the 3 keys to go from overwhelmed to empowered and create the fulfilling motherhood experience you deserve! Join the FREE training here.
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